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infinitepoetess 54F
6427 posts
8/7/2022 10:29 pm
Effective Leadership is AWOL



Effective leadership is the missing link for most D/s relationships. This is hard to accept if you are Dominant, because ultimately it falls on your shoulders, and that's a heavy fucking weight to carry. You see, you are human and human errors will most definitely occur.If you claim you are not superman/woman, it is an excuse.
"If a submissive fails, it is the Dom who failed" I don't know who said it, I was just told this over and over.

This is no different than running a business, with all its moving parts. You would not lose your temper with an employee and scream or snip at them when they ask a question, nor lecture them like they were 5, and yet expect them to work effectively,. Or else, you would suck as a business owner and no one would want to work for you...Why would a submissive want to comply if that was how it was? Just like an employee, she is looking for effective positive leadership.

The submissive is required to worship you and your body. You are omnipotent in your control and the sub's submission. A submissive must be selfless , in order to submit. To blame the sub, is to analogize: You have a dog. That is loyal, is always happy to see you, and gives 100% obedience overall...Do you think of the as an annoyance? Do you tell the that it should not think of you as God and be independent, like there is a switch to turn off their need of you?

You took another human being as your submissive, required them to want to be selfless and need you, but they can't be too needy? Does that not sound ridiculous to you? I mean wtf? Ive never understood Doms that say that they expect a sub to be independent and you are not God..
When I say she/he thinks you are, they go into a diatribe about this being a normal relationship other than the dynamic...?
A submissive is selfless and gives themselves to your every desire. Being selfless is what is required of a human being in order to make them able to emotionally handle submission. Re read that paragraph over and over again and again.

The only person a Dominant can relate being selfless to, is the person who raised you or a parent, They love you unconditionally. That is why it devastates a sub, if you leave them, or threaten to. You run the risks of cray cray stalkers, because of this very selflessness.

Well, hello, here is your aha moment...
You have to be a leader to finesse this human you decided to take as yours and help improve their submission, or whatever they need help doing. You have to be able to figure out their triggers, and make that aid effective, without pushing them to the edge of breaking.
Remember: "Never break your toy?"That was one of the tenets of BDSM, if you are like me and came in with a mentor and immersed yourself in learning properly (which not many of you do, just sayin; So tired of that, but I digress)

What you all need to do is work on effective management skills, for a guide on how you approach that human. When you lose your cool, you are no longer in control. Your anger is in the power struggle. Tonality is the fine line between abuse and dominance, I mean, I would imagine the ideal Dom would have been someone like the Karate 's Mr. Myagi, approaching struggles in a thoughtful manner, and calm, so situations de-escalate.

I once wrote a post and said "If you don't have control of yourself, you have no business controlling another human being, who is a living, breathing, feeling, creature" And you cannot claim to not being more responsible for a submissive, than a vanilla relationship would be based on. A vanilla relationship does not usually have that unconditional love happening...it's why there is a "gift" of submission...

Clearly, you are looking at this differently now that you have read this post, and all of us submissives can expect you to raise the bar on yourself....
Surely...

Song for this post
Emotional Rescue - The Rolling Stones



infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/7/2022 10:32 pm

Is there nothing I can say, nothing I can do
To change your mind? I'm so in love with you
You're too deep in, you can't get out
You're just a poor girl in a rich man's house
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Yeah, baby, I'm crying over you!
Don't you know promises were never meant to keep?
Just like the night, they dissolve off in sleep
I'll be your saviour, steadfast and true
I'll come to your emotional rescue
I'll come to your emotional rescue
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh pfff
Yeah, the other night, cryin'
Cryin' baby. yeah I'm cryin'
Yeah I'm like a child baby, I'm like a child baby, like a child,
Yeah like a child, like a child, like a child, like a child
Ooh!
You think you're one of a special breed
You think that you're his pet Pekinese
I'll be your saviour, steadfast and true
I'll come to your emotional rescue
I'll come to your emotional rescue
Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah
Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah
Yeah, I was dreamin' last night baby
Last night... I was dreamin' that you'd be mine
But I was cryin' yeah... like a child
Yeah I was cryin'... cryin' like a child
Could be mine, mine, mine, mine, mine all mine!
You could be mine, could be mine, could be mine all mine!
I come to you, so silent in the night
So stealthy, so animal quiet
I'll be your saviour, steadfast and true
I'll come to your emotional rescue
I'll come to your emotional rescue
Ooh ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, you should be mine, mine, ooh!
Mmm
Yes, you could be mine
Tonight and every night
I will be your knight in shining armor coming to your emotional rescue
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
You will be mine, you will be mine, all mine!
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
You will be mine, you will be mine, all mine!
I will be your knight in shining armour
Riding across the desert
On a fine Arab charger
Pfff
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)
(Ooh ah, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ah)


ridermantel 68M

8/7/2022 10:33 pm

In the USA? You must be joking.


rondiri 64M
11042 posts
8/7/2022 10:34 pm

Absolutely true. The Dominant is responsible for the submissive's training, expectations and results. They guide, correct, reward and discipline with the intent on helping the submissive and their relationship be all it they and it can be.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/7/2022 10:37 pm

    Quoting rondiri:
    Absolutely true. The Dominant is responsible for the submissive's training, expectations and results. They guide, correct, reward and discipline with the intent on helping the submissive and their relationship be all it they and it can be.
But, do you yell at them? Criticize by being too hard? These are intricacies that many leaders in this lifestyle fail on


tradecode666 62M
98 posts
8/7/2022 11:01 pm

.
my dream is to just meet a nice girl with skills that doesnt mind scrubbing the hull of my boat topless.

of course tho, i would get kicked out of my marina.

nice poem.


joseph19563 68M
197 posts
8/7/2022 11:19 pm

Teach them, train them, trust them is my motto in business and BDSM.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/7/2022 11:38 pm

    Quoting joseph19563:
    Teach them, train them, trust them is my motto in business and BDSM.
Yes, but this is more about how it is carried out, the details of how it is done. There are business people who are poor managers of people, ta know? Yelling, being demanding isn't one of them


tradecode666 62M
98 posts
8/8/2022 12:03 am

.
it has always been my opinion that when the female part of the equation falls in love, when her chemistry kicks in, he doesnt need to do anything special to earn her love.

when she is in love, he can crap on the dinner table and she will plant flowers in it and tell him what a wonderful thing he has done.

but if she is not in love, if her chemistry is not kicked in, he cant do anything right.

smart money understands this quirk about females.

for the most part, this is true.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 12:23 am

    Quoting tradecode666:
    .
    it has always been my opinion that when the female part of the equation falls in love, when her chemistry kicks in, he doesnt need to do anything special to earn her love.

    when she is in love, he can crap on the dinner table and she will plant flowers in it and tell him what a wonderful thing he has done.

    but if she is not in love, if her chemistry is not kicked in, he cant do anything right.

    smart money understands this quirk about females.

    for the most part, this is true.
Thank you but that isn't the whole point...
It's how she is handled in your leadership


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 12:23 am

I know, its a stretch at best


tradecode666 62M
98 posts
8/8/2022 1:45 am

>Thank you but that isn't the whole point...
>It's how she is handled in your leadership

i stand corrected.

btw, the third pic in your profile... i cant tell what the heck that is..


aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
8/8/2022 2:26 am

I absolutely love this piece, N. You certainly covered all the bases. Thank you for sharing such an important message. Great tune as well.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


Mrpaulux1 55M
227 posts
8/8/2022 2:35 am

Splendide texte


JohnnyLightning 65M  
9554 posts
8/8/2022 3:48 am

Nice content.

Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.


drmgirl622 68F  
25890 posts
8/8/2022 7:28 am

I think dominance is like sitting at a potter's wheel and molding and shaping that clay into a work of art.


ExNameForUse 53F
5608 posts
8/8/2022 10:07 am

Managing people, in general, is a fine-tuned art. Not many are capable of doing so. Shouting, hands waving, pointing with a finger, threatening, ignoring, .... in the business world it is called bullying... don't know the name for it in the Lifestyle... certainly not leadership.


FleetingThoughts 48M

8/8/2022 10:28 am

I like your management analogy as I believe very similarly.

Thank you for sharing!


Just My $0.02... Take it for what it cost you...

~FleetingThoughts~
A Place For Fleeting Thoughts


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7020 posts
8/8/2022 10:47 am

Of course you're right. You must have graduated from West Point. Perfection is a bitch, isn't it?


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:38 pm

    Quoting tradecode666:
    >Thank you but that isn't the whole point...
    >It's how she is handled in your leadership

    i stand corrected.

    btw, the third pic in your profile... i cant tell what the heck that is..
My ass?


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:38 pm

    Quoting aliljaded:
    I absolutely love this piece, N. You certainly covered all the bases. Thank you for sharing such an important message. Great tune as well.
Thanks for dropping in to support babe


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:38 pm

Merci Beaucoup!


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:39 pm

Thanks friend


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:40 pm

    Quoting ExNameForUse:
    Managing people, in general, is a fine-tuned art. Not many are capable of doing so. Shouting, hands waving, pointing with a finger, threatening, ignoring, .... in the business world it is called bullying... don't know the name for it in the Lifestyle... certainly not leadership.
Yaaas
It's called abuse when you can't control your temper and tear a subordinate down to shreds by not giving positivity and being reactive


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:41 pm

    Quoting FleetingThoughts:
    I like your management analogy as I believe very similarly.

    Thank you for sharing!
So welcome and thanks for supporting it


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 1:41 pm

    Quoting Dreamcatcher__:
    Of course you're right. You must have graduated from West Point. Perfection is a bitch, isn't it?
FFS, I'm far from perfect, just been around this rodeo for a loooooong time


rondiri 64M
11042 posts
8/8/2022 4:57 pm

    Quoting infinitepoetess:
    But, do you yell at them? Criticize by being too hard? These are intricacies that many leaders in this lifestyle fail on
If a Dominant needs to yell, or criticize, he isn't a good dominant. A dominant needs to be even tempered at all times when dealing with a sub/slave. If anger rises, send the sub to a corner until an even temper is reached .


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 10:09 pm

    Quoting rondiri:
    If a Dominant needs to yell, or criticize, he isn't a good dominant. A dominant needs to be even tempered at all times when dealing with a sub/slave. If anger rises, send the sub to a corner until an even temper is reached .
Thank you very much.
Best comment yet


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/8/2022 10:20 pm

    Quoting drmgirl622:
    I think dominance is like sitting at a potter's wheel and molding and shaping that clay into a work of art.
Yaas but in doing so, he must not alter the texture and substance of that medium. Big difference in quality or endurance of the relationship. The sub mentally needs that. In vanilla dynamic they (dom) could claim they're both responsible and to a small degree that's true, but the subs will is already there. They want to follow. The discipline part is there for a reason. If the discipline is doled out with lecturing and yelling, criticism...etc This will just breed resentment. The dynamic is different than vanilla by far.


EvolvedEdge 57M
296 posts
8/14/2022 10:32 pm

"If you don't have control of yourself, you have no business controlling another human being, who is a living, breathing, feeling, creature"

Spot on- the bar for leadership is rarely set high enough. If the notion that there are excuses for loss of self-control or abandonment of appropriate action under any circumstances seems plausible, it’s tantamount to saying that it’s acceptable to put a submissive in psychological or physical peril due to whim or wind. Reflecting a standard that’s any lower is pathological- and the bar you suggest is but the barest basis, de riguer for even contemplating a healthy exchange. The big “I” is a dangerous- even deadly- thing, and so often preens itself to be sold as worthy leadership. Every SRT should be so lucky as to have you as a guest speaker.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/15/2022 6:38 am

    Quoting EvolvedEdge:
    "If you don't have control of yourself, you have no business controlling another human being, who is a living, breathing, feeling, creature"

    Spot on- the bar for leadership is rarely set high enough. If the notion that there are excuses for loss of self-control or abandonment of appropriate action under any circumstances seems plausible, it’s tantamount to saying that it’s acceptable to put a submissive in psychological or physical peril due to whim or wind. Reflecting a standard that’s any lower is pathological- and the bar you suggest is but the barest basis, de riguer for even contemplating a healthy exchange. The big “I” is a dangerous- even deadly- thing, and so often preens itself to be sold as worthy leadership. Every SRT should be so lucky as to have you as a guest speaker.
I couldn't have said it better Thank you for supporting my thoughts. You also would be an amazing speaker. So brilliant


JohnnyLightning 65M  
9554 posts
10/23/2022 11:19 pm

Dominance and leadership is like having a piece of string. Dominate it in the right direction and it follows nicely, push it too hard and you have a piled up mess.

Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.


lovingcaring44 64F
167 posts
2/11/2023 1:04 pm

Nice writing,
Love it.

Yes, and that is why a lot of the men, on here, dont have what it takes, because they all, lack this knowledge, insight...... inner controle/power/leadermanship...

If they cant even handle a rejection? Get all hysterical and foul mouthed.....?


RockStriker84 39M
14 posts
7/12/2023 5:44 am

mmmmmmmmmm


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/20/2023 12:43 am

mmmm?



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